Holly Hazen

The aftermath of an intense divorce and the change in our family lifestyle altered my definition of what I called family. The relationships I have with my mother and father have gone through many different stages of rebuilding, and I had to accept my parents are people. With issues between my parents bubbling since I was born, there was no choice but to let that pot boil over and burn the view of my family and start a new life. The Heart Stays Still depicts the collaborative efforts with my parents in slowly transitioning to our new lives after the divorce, and tells the story of accepting new realities. With my mother moving into her own place and learning independence, and my father moving into a house with another family and forgiving himself, I am creating a new beginning for myself and with both my parents.

The past couple of years have taken a mental and physical toll on me due to changes in my family and relationships, leaving me grieving what I used to know. My parents went through a divorce, which changed the reality of the house I grew up in. I have grown apart from my house and become detached from the memories I created there. By contorting my body to fit it, these photographs force my body back into the spaces of my home, trying to reconnect with it and the memories made there. Ultimately, the positioning of my body is seen here emerging out of these spaces, signifying the growth of my relationships with my parents, and the acceptance of moving out soon. Using myself as the subject establishes a connection to my past self in parts of my home I will have to say goodbye to and allows me to accept the parting of ways with the house that raised me.

While reflecting on the end of 2023, I was struggling to remember the majority of memories I had documented on various digital devices, and that led me to wonder if I am struggling because these memories are digitally documented. This generated a conversation of how often we use digital media, and it connected my thoughts on memory loss and digital technology. I wanted to create something I can wear to remind myself who I am and recognize the memories I have. I collected various photographs consisting of my photography, other photos I have taken or my family has taken throughout my life, and created multiple cyanotype prints on two articles of clothing. I printed on a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt to represent how our bodies retain memories, and how we carry those memories with us. I printed positive and negative memories since those negative memories continue to hurt us, but they help us change and grow. I want my audience to recognize the memories they have, where those memories live on their bodies, and question how being in the digital age affects our memory.

Being a fan of the art of food and dinnerware, I was inspired to create my own ceramic dinnerware set of a plate, bowl, cup, a fork, knife, and spoon. Using the techniques from the Nazca civilization, all pieces are hand built and decorated with slip with my addition of underglaze. Simulating their designs, the designs are my own doodles and the colors reflect the popularity of pastel colors. To add my own style to these pieces while combining Nazca pottery, I photographed various self portraits of myself showing a variety of faces and added them onto the dinnerware using the decal process. Like Nazca pottery, I am telling a story through my designs and with the inclusion of my decals. This project reflects the overconsumption in today’s society with social media and selfie culture. With physically having my face on dinnerware, it signifies the constant consuming in internet culture.